I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
