weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
