i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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