My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
