no, he came in my armpit
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
