you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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