You smell like stripper and shame
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
handjob tips. give me some.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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