is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
