I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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