I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
