Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
