I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
