the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
