She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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