Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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