I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You ate ashes out of my bong
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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