He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
