My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
farters have to be the big spoon...
im six kinds of drunk right now
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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