I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
