He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
