I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize