sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
