I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i permit you to call me
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
