I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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