i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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