What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
