I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
