God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
