Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
