I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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