If that was your dad, he is hot
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
