i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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