and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
