That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
