I love black thongs
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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