We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
