I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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