it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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