i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
