Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
