Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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