Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
