i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
