Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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