Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
