I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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