If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize