Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
