Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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