My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
