only if we run a train.
done.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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