you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We talked him into tasing himself.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
