we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize