Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
