I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
