I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You took a bar mat shot.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
