I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
