his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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