She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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