Cold hands, warm shart.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I can text with my tongue
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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