I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Ladies don't puke and tell
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
