I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
