How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize